Waiting

I don’t like waiting at a light or a supermarket line so where I am in life has been very hard. My husband and I are leaving our church and waiting for direction for what is next in our life.  I have been reading so many verses and trying to find my strength in God an in His direction. At this point all we are hearing is “wait” and have I mentioned the fact I don’t like waiting??? I am a doer and a goal orientated person.

Paul was in prison, stoned etc and he waited.  Moses was a shepherd for 40 years and he waited, David waited to be king but it took many years of being on the run. Argh…. God why can’t I be more content as the weeks pass and no more idea of what we are doing? I need to pack up our belongings and get ready for them to be put in storage as no answer has come. I haven’t packed one box.

“I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” I believe it but at times don’t feel I live it.  I feel so weak and confused. My husband has noticed the “sparkle” has gone out of me at times (does that count the times I have cried in his arms asking God for help?) I am thinking that has given him a clue! 🙂

I know I am in a boat like Peter and when my eyes turn from Jesus I see the water all around me.

“God you know this will be an up and down battle. Be patient with me as I question You.  I ask your forgiveness.” Don’t let go of my hand Lord.

Jesus’s Final Week~ Can I Understand?

I was reading my Bible in John and reading how the religious people of Jesus’s day did not understand who Jesus was. God opened my eyes to see I don’t truly understand who Jesus is either. I am a “religious” person. I have my own thoughts about Jesus and God and read my BIble under those lenses. Am I so different than the religious people of Jesus’s day?  I think today God gave me a bit of a new prescription in my lenses.

Let me see through prayer if I can share this with you. I pray often for things in my life and those needs of others I know about. I truly want God to answer these. I know God can answer these prayers and many times I get frustrated that He doesn’t or He is silent. I have formed in my mind what God should do and when He doesn’t I feel frustrated at Him….hmmmm….  People in Jesus’s day wanted a king that would conquer the Romans. I can see why as this had to be horrible to live under their rule. I am sure they prayed and when they saw Jesus doing miracles they thought He would be capable of taking on the Romans. He could but that wasn’t His mission. They were missing why He was there. He wasn’t there to make their lives better for the moment but for all eternity…….. My prayers are wanting to help now, change now.  Neither prayer (the Jews or mine) are wrong just not what Jesus, the perfect one, knew they or I needed. I think I am missing often why Jesus is here too.

As I read today I have never seen so much how Jesus pointed everything to the Father and not Himself. God brought to my attention how most things I pray point to “I” and not the Father.  I will continue to pray for myself and others. I know He wants me too but I need to have more of a eternity perspective than a tomorrow one.

I am not sure how much I will write on this blog but today I felt the Holy Spirit telling me too.  I was looking at this picture of a lady slipper I took on a hike once and knowing it was a rare flower just along the path I stopped to admire it and wanted to keep its beauty in my mind so I took a picture so I can remember it. If you didn’t hike here or look in it’s direction you would miss out. It wasn’t planted by anyone or shown in a garden it was just there for you to take time to see it…… but you could easy miss it. I think I was missing a jewel of Jesus’s teaching but today God granted me a “picture” of it. I want to “look at the picture” of God’s lesson many times.

All For Now

I have written my blog for a couple of years now, no themes just what was my desire: to follow Him in the best way I could.

Sometimes when I pushed the publish button I would feel as if my thoughts were not that organized or would only make sense to me so I am stopping this for awhile until the time God says I have more to say in a public way.

How do I say thank you to anyone who took time out of their precious day to read what I wrote?  It humbled me and blessed me and in some small way I hope it drew you closer to Him. That is all I ever desired: to be a slave of Jesus. 🙂

God Is In Control

Numbers 23:19,  “God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has He ever said and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?”

There are things in life that I pray for and I don’t see God acting in a positive way. As I read this verse I can see that God has not promised me what I am praying for but I am asking Him in bewilderment as to why things are happening and He is not changing them.

When my prayers are not answered I want to think in human terms and “help” in anyway I can but then I sit back and realize God does not need my help and for some reason is not acting upon my request. That is hard for me but this is where my faith comes in.  This is the time I need to try and let my mind not try and solve these problems but rest in Him that He is doing what is best.

 

 

 

God is Knocking On My Door

My sister sent me an email and said, that a good  prayer for me would be for my discernment in whether to say yes to something or no. I have been thinking about it and she is so right. I want to help people and yet I can say yes to so much.

Yesterday a friend and I walked a short way and she helped me to see that I can rush to help without asking other christians and myself to pray to see if it is a good idea.

Amazing how God can work through people who know you and when God says something twice I better listen!

My husband and I kayaked here. Breathe taking views of God’s artistry.

 

 

 

 

 

One Little Step At A Time

I was thinking about a story I read the other day. A Rabbi was telling someone who wanted to stop smoking that he should not smoke for one hour. In telling the man to try for only an hour he was saying that it is hard for a sinful man to just quite something we have done for a long time. We should take small steps and realize we may fail at times and that is OK.

I like that as I want to be all that God designed me to be at once and I fail all the time and become discouraged.  If I tell myself I can just control this moment and not look to far ahead I may do better with lots of prayer.

 

Today Is Only Here For 24 Hours

Colossians 2:6-7 – Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.

A beautiful verse for a gift of a day that God has given each of us. It doesn’t mean this day will be perfect but I want to look for the small gifts that are hidden for me to find today.

Taking Much Needed Time with Him

I have the morning to be with God. Peace and joy seem to fill my heart.

I was reading 1 Corinthians 5:9-13

^” I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

When I gave time to think about this I thought how much do I judge people who have no belief in Christ.  I can be self-righteous in my head. Loving people who do not show Christ like behavior does not mean I adopt their worldview but show them by mine who Christ is.

Jesus in the Bible was always associating with people who lived on the fringe of society. I need to pray about my thoughts and truly love the people Jesus wants me to love.

Went on a bike ride this morning and had to stop and just marvel at God’s handiwork.

I Need To Be A Hermit

I balance a lot in my life between running my home, a pastor’s wife and all that pulls on me, people at church asking me to do things, being on our missions team, volunteering for an organization that supports getting people out of human trafficking, wife, mother etc..  My husband is going on a trip to Egypt and I am taking care of all his needs for this.

I look at the room I am in and it has so many projects around the floor that I need to attend to. I have too many things to do today and I am not sure they will fit in.

How do I fit this in with my life in Christ?  How do I compartmentalize the needs of others, my needs and put Christ first?  Not an easy question. My headaches today and I know it is from stress.

I put this stress on myself. I want to fill myself with Christ and let Him show me what is important.  I want to get in my car and just drive and sing and listen to sermons.  I think I will take some time to pray and try and put everything else on the back burner.

I know I am not the only one who feels like this but sometimes admitting it helps me to see how much I need Christ.

 

Welcome Home

Just got home from visiting my daughter.  Had a wonderful time of no responsibilities and lots of time and talk of God.  Didn’t even have my password for my blog.

Got home to the real world yesterday and my husband filled me in one life here. Last night went to bed kinda early, I had been sick for a few days and was really tired. I could not fall asleep. My head was so filled with things I had to do and things that I was a bit frustrated with. I was trying to give them all to God but I guess my grip was too tight. As my sister says; “the lies of the night.”

This morning in my Sarah Young devotional it says, “Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith. I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when. My preferences is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.”

I think I have a long road of trying to loosen my grip on my control and being able to give it to God. It makes so much sense to do so but in practice I am weak.